Women hesitate to open up first, because they fear that feeling might not be mutual, or worse – conveniently played upon.
We women are afraid to surrender too early and confess that we love to be conquered for fear of bewildering our hunters and getting them lose an ardor halfway.
Men keep their feelings to themselves up to a certain time, because they know that the ‘I love you’ phrase has implications.
A woman in love grows wings and feels like sharing her feelings with the world.
A man in love goes into reasoning and won’t open up until he’s done some thinking and made psychological peace with the idea of attachment consequences, unless he’s been consciously seeking a commitment, of course.
We may be in love with each other long time before we manifest it, but we are ready to speak up only when we know what the ‘I love you’ phrase implies for the significant other and how he or she will possibly take it.
When your heart is vacant, you are stray and enjoy running free.
But when you fall in love, it feels like you suddenly are not that happy to roam alone anymore, because you have spotted a place where you feel like coming for a shelter.
You swore you never needed to look back at anyone, because everything in the past is not worse regret and ahead there is a plenty of unknown adventures.
And now all of a sudden you have a place, where your thoughts constantly keep bringing you back.
And it’s with the person you love.
But how soon should you let know?
The one you love is the one who you feel like coming home for. So you feel ready to open up when your hunch says you may knock on that door and it will be open for you in return.
And then comes the day after ‘I love you’.
And the euphoria of a mutual disclosure will bring a next day of logic expectation that both of you must do something about your love, now that you both know.
Love comes unplanned. It’s a contagious virus that anybody anywhere can catch anytime. And love often happens to the most unprepared people in the most unexpected settings.
So no surprise if love stopped you for a moment and made you look back at the person you just passed by and let you know this is the one.
You’ll get a confirmation you are caught, because from that moment your thoughts won’t all be gathered around you anymore, you’ll find them running back to find asylum with that someone else.
But are you ready to follow them and do anything about it, even though you know you should?
When a man falls in love, he knows that once he lets it show, he will eventually become responsible for that woman.
He will naturally take his time thinking and measuring and will confess only when he
- is ready for a commitment, or is sure that there can’t be anybody more special to him than this particular woman.
- afraid of losing her to someone else.
For even if he is ‘not ready yet’, he knows well that others around her might eagerly be.
- or is sure that she herself will take it smoothly and won’t want to rush the things.
Because love to a woman is often a synonym of a promise and an expectation.
Here is some example of a couple in love that are actually seeing each other, but are not ready for the ‘I love you’ consequences.
‘I am crazy about this woman and scared of losing her to someone else. Whenever I look at her, I’d burst with feelings on the inside, but on the surface I shut down and act all cool’, says 24 y.o. George about his crush of 1,5 years.
They have known each other for a while and just recently started dating.
His girlfriend is in love with him from long ago as well, but she also acts much cooler on the surface than she feels on the inside, because she is not sure if he actually loves her, or simply likes her around.
Both are still studying and working on their separate creative projects.
All they know is that being around each other feels wonderful, but none spoke about the intensity of feelings yet. Because they are not catching up with the acceleration of their feelings that are crossing a speed limit of their other plans.
George keeps little meaningful souvenirs from her, like a scrunchy she left on a table, or a latte mug she drank from. His girlfriend listens to the songs he loves when home alone and snuggles his old t-shirt every time he is all over her mind.
They definitely feel the presence of something serious hanging in the air, but keep it the way like there is still more to say.
Until you vocalize your feelings, there is a thrill of expectation, the excitement of understatement and a hope that there is yet something bigger to uncover.
‘I love you’ puts an end to understatement season and suggests the opening to the main act that one in a couple might not be ready for yet.
Is that couple ready to actually be together? Probably. But togetherness may imply different things to each. He might simply be ready to tune others out and see her more often, and probably move in together some day. She, however, may take the togetherness plan way farther and start visualizing the season finale that ‘I love you’ traditionally leads to.
Love comes unplanned and makes us face the fact. It’s us that must accept that fact and start to think what we are possibly supposed to do about it.
There is no easier way to make a person happy than by letting that person know that he or she is loved. And no easier way to make a person miserable than by letting him or her know that even though you are in love, you are not ready to do anything about it yet.
Our love as a happening and a feeling is shared, but not necessarily our plans for the phase after ‘I love you’ phrase.
And so it’s probably easier to handle our feelings private in an exciting near-love intrigue than open up and handle our unshared feelings about the day after ‘I love you’.