A ‘relationship’ with emotionally unavailable is always a sudden On and a subsequent Off.
It is always a great time shared together and then a much longer lonelier time shared with your brandy bottle, suspended in an unknown.
On and Off acquaintance with emo unavailable can really last for years, if you both have separate fulfilled lives and don’t place a relationship or marriage at a top of your agenda.
You may simply appreciate each other’s presence around, stay in touch, share life views, interests and leisure activities, but you never talk about what you really feel for each other – is it love or something more abstract. Or how long and on what grounds you are going to continue together in future.
If a person you keep in projection is emotionally unavailable, make peace with the idea that he will have the hardest time attributing your relationship or ever making any concrete plans as for where it’s heading.
Do you both love each other? You might never know because none of you will tell first.
He won’t, because he is emotionally unavailable, and you won’t go first either because instinctively you know that if you do and tell him how you feel, he might get scared away and will probably fall into oblivion.
Emo unavailable man can be a real heartbreaker for an open romantic girl that searches a close sharing relationship.
But a woman that heard of being somewhat unavailable herself will have no problem sustaining years relationship with emo unavailable fellow.
People that don’t eagerly open up and share themselves with others may get to feel rather comfortable and effortless around those of the same kind.
There are no promises, no real commitment, and therefore no drama of unfulfilled expectations. You can handle a relationship with emo unavailable if a relationship is not something you are looking for.
Otherwise why dragging him into an arrangement you want for yourself and that poor guy is scared to death of?
And if you are involved with emo unavailable person, you probably do know so. It is not hard to identify him – if he is On and then Off, hot and then lukewarm, calls and then doesn’t, uses no sweet words or relationship labels – it means he is of unavailable kind.
You may handle Unavailable only if you yourself are not looking for a commitment or love him with unconditional love.
You may love that person simply as an entity and not the idea that he might give you an engagement or throw a wedding party.
You enjoy the excitement of each moment you spend together, and then go search emotional security elsewhere – in your job, pets, hobbies and self-development. Because unlike your unavailable darling, those darlings will still be there for you tomorrow.
With your emotionally unavailable you never know if there is that tomorrow. There is only yesterday rich on memories and a fast fleeting today.
Everything about him is volatile. The only constant thing is uncertainty. In fact, if you want to have him back, you should always be ready to let him go.
Once I picked a cat from the street that was a stunning male beauty of some wild mountain kind. I didn’t force him inside my house, he started coming by himself and has long been ‘asking’ me to take him in and give him some attention. I did and eventually got very attached to this cat, it was the sweetest, nicest cat’s personality I have ever met.
We got very close, he’d come visiting my house, staying a while, playing and cuddling, but then he’d always need to go out, again.
At times he would disappear for days or weeks, but then would always come back meowing loudly to me when he needed shelter, food and some love.
Then I knew it was mutual love and I decided to keep him at any cost. A vet told me that no matter how much my cat and I loved each other, I’d never be able to domesticate him.
I tried to keep him inside but it never worked, he would only get miserable.
I loved that cat and wanted the best for him, that’s why I’d always let him go. He broke my heart many times but taught me everything I need to know about felines.
You and your love and care alone don’t provide your felid a complete emotional security – your love and a cat flap do. No matter how much love, comfort and food you offer him beside you, he still needs his time alone to go and roam out in the dark and mud whenever he needs to.
Only when he feels that you are not holding him a trap, may he actually get comfortable to come closer to you.
Relationship with emo unavailable takes a lot of emotional investment on your part and doesn’t return you any emotional comfort back, except for some rare moments.
It actually feels like emptying your account on roaming messages and knowing that none of them was delivered.
If emo unavailable gets attached to you, he may actually feel like getting a lot closer.
And here comes something he has to decide for himself – whether he is sticking with you or his issues. If he chooses to stick with both – you and his issues, he may then drag you into an open-end relationship that might last for years and cost you one nervous system.
Being on the loose doesn’t always mean that he protects his freedom to sleep with others, sometimes he simply protects his freedom to sleep alone, whenever he feels like it.
If emo unavailable man meets a woman that manages to reach some deep strings inside his confounded soul, he might actually respond with a strong affection, which he of course will keep to himself. He will want her around, but yet never totally next to him. For, in order to feel truly comfortable next to someone, he should first work over the rest of his ancient issues.
Will you help him do it? Maybe a licensed shrink won’t, unless the Unavailable admits he has a problem with intimacy and is no longer interested to live with it.
Only when he reaches an enlightment of realization that his intimacy issues are actually hindering him from being with you, will he do his best to get rid of them, and not of you.
If a man loves a woman for real, he can change a world in order to be with her – let alone a couple of his ‘comfortable’ issues.
Emo unavailable is hiding a void inside which is probably there since childhood. If some woman manages to fill that void – and not because she will try and turn inside-out for that, but because something in that emo unavailable soul will click and respond to her, only then will he choose to open up and shift his comfort zones.
However, it will be a rather gradual process. See if you have that time, patience and determination to wait for him for whatever time he needs.
I’m not justifying emo unavailable’s hard character or a painful relationship that he will put you through, but simply informing what you should realistically expect with him, given you decide to continue. It’s your choice.
And always remember, even though you may step out of a crowd for him, nobody retired that crowd yet. He will still want to roam out freely and socialize with whoever happens around, because emo unavailables live on constant new thrills and ego tickles.
He will be coming back to you because you are his special, and he knows that there with you he will always find a sympathetic ear, unconditional acceptance and emotional reassurance…
If in response you give him a cold shoulder or tell him to back off, he might actually find it more interesting to stick with you a bit longer next time.
Yes, an insightful, patient, socially–busy and somewhat unavailable woman herself can make emo unavailable man seriously interested. But when Unavailable falls in normal human love (yes, it happens sometimes) he tends to feel inner discomfort at first, tries to rationalize and deny that feeling, and wonder what the hell is going on with him at all.
Love still does wonders, i always believe so. And if emotionally unavailable is capable of developing a selfless empatic feeling towards a woman, this love will help him work through his issues a world better than anyone would do. Love is the best shrink known so far.
Emo unavailable may fall in love with you. But you may never know when it happens and if he ever decides to let you know. You cannot push, you cannot fall for him and you can definitely not hang in there for him forever.
As long as he knows that you will always be available, he has no real incentive to get available himself.